A Declaration...

Today begins another journey. One that I have set out on…oh…only about a million times in my life.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am determined to lose the weight.

I succeeded over the last few years in going from about 190 pounds down to about 135 by working out 6 days a week and eating a diet of about 1200 calories a day. Wow…I know, right?!

But the determination that made that possible was merely the "woman scorned" sort of motivation I got after ending a bad relationship. Every moment logged on the treadmill was made easier by the look of remorse I imagined on my ex’s face when he saw how incredible I would look after my efforts.

But now, I am in a good relationship, and I am facing the same challenge that most people who successfully lose weight face. I am quickly and steadily starting to gain weight back.
I call it happy fat.

For some reason it seems so much easier to be motivated to lose weight when you are angry or depressed, but now that someone out there cares for me as I am, it seems less important to avoid the pizza and cookies. Especially since he really likes the pizza and cookies too so they’re frequently around me.

But for myself—not for him, and not for revenge this time—I want to lose this excess weight. I want to fit back into the skinny jeans I bought myself at my lowest weight and maybe even a size smaller. This summer, I’d like to, for the first time in my life, slip on a 2 piece bathing suit and walk outside with no feelings of self-disgust or insecurity. I’d like to sit down without a spare tire muffin-topping over the waistband of my pants, and I’d like to run in shorts without worrying that the people behind me are taking too much notice of my jiggling, dimpled thighs.

I am 5’2". Most weight charts say that for my height I ought to weigh between 104-137 pounds. Knowing my previous weights before the post high school weight gain, and my bone structure, I would like to shoot for somewhere around 120 pounds. As of this morning I weighed in at 148. We’ll see where this journey takes me this time…